Why do some people have to be so challenging? It’s a question we’ve all mulled over. Living in harmony should be straightforward, yet it often feels like navigating a minefield.
We look to the Church as a beacon of hope, where love is the cornerstone. In this haven, we expect kindness to prevail over conflict, and empathy to outshine harshness, free from the shadows of ego and personal grudges.
However, the reality within the Church can sometimes mirror the outside world, laden with tension, heartache, and exasperation.
Why the disconnect? Surely, there’s a more peaceful way to live together within the Church, reflecting the loving, supportive relationships God desires for us.
The good news? There is indeed a way, and it’s outlined in Scripture. The solution to harmonious living isn’t hidden; it’s clear. The “what” is straightforward; the “how,” given our human imperfections, is the tricky part.
As G.K. Chesterton so sagely observed:
“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”
― G.K. Chesterton, What’s Wrong with the World
To help us in this simple, yet difficult (and always worthwhile) undertaking,
Here are Five Scriptural Insights to Fostering Better Relationships
Choosing Patience Over Anger
We’ve all experienced incidents of conflicts in our churches. A misunderstanding sparks a conflict, and suddenly, the whole congregation is embroiled in a wildfire of indignation.
But what if we chose a different reaction?
James gives us a timeless piece of advice:
You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness.
James 1:19-20
So, how do we become masters of our temper? Do we even have control over such a primal emotion?
To some extent, yes.
Our ability to manage anger varies, but we’re not alone. We have a Creator who can guide us through any storm.
Seeking freedom from anger starts with a simple prayer. But don’t expect an overnight miracle. Overcoming anger is a journey that involves recognizing it and seeking forgiveness. With God’s help, we can navigate through it, to love.
As the Psalmist says of those who seek after God:
Happy are they who have not walked in the counsel of the wicked,
nor lingered in the way of sinners,
nor sat in the seats of the scornful!Their delight is in the law of the Lord,
and they meditate on his law day and night.They are like trees planted by streams of water,
Psalm 1:1-3
bearing fruit in due season, with leaves that do not wither;
everything they do shall prosper.
Only Jesus walked perfectly, but we can rely on Him to infuse us with His grace and love.
Nourishing our souls with Scripture, prayer, and worship helps us grow in His likeness.
Embracing Our True Calling
In the daily grind, it’s easy to get lost in our to-do lists.
But as Christians, our ultimate task is to love God wholeheartedly and to love our neighbor as God love us.
Often, we get upset with others when they disrupt our plans during the day. But God wants us to understand that love is our true mission – to love Him fully and to let His love overflow to others.
Jesus teaches us:
Matthew 16:24-27
Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.
Our worldly responsibilities matter, but without love, they amount to nothing.
Using Our Words Wisely
Our words are meant to express love, yet we sometimes use them to hurt.
Why do we engage in negative talk? We can come to love it, instead of God. It’s all too easy to resort to gossiping, maligning, complaining, and disparaging those God has given us to love.
The Psalmist illustrates this as he personifies the tongue:
You love evil more than good
and lying more than speaking the truth.You love all words that hurt,
Psalm 52:3-4
O you deceitful tongue.
And also, James warn us about the destructive power of the tongue:
How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.
James 3:5-12
It can set ablaze the “dry kindling” that litters our relationships.
Instead, we should use our words to bless and build up, not tear down.
Jesus reminds us:
For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person brings good things out of a good treasure, and the evil person brings evil things out of an evil treasure. I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.’
Matthew 12:34b-37
Fostering God’s goodness in our hearts and using our words to praise God can lead to a profound change in our lives.
Addressing Conflicts Constructively
Disagreements are part of life, especially in a close-knit community like the Church.
By approaching conflicts with grace and understanding, we can maintain unity and foster a loving environment.
Turning Tides in Troubled Waters: A Godly Approach to Difficult Relationships
Every time these difficult incidents occur in our churches, everyone seems to know about it- even if they aren’t involved. It’s a scenario many can relate to – venting to sympathetic ears feels good, as if we are in control and in the right. But that’s just a band-aid on a deeper issue.
Jesus laid out a clear blueprint for these situations:
Matthew 18:15-17
If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault, when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you…”
The takeaway? Face the problem head-on, with the person involved. It’s tempting to rally a support squad, but that often just fans the flames.
And what should we do after we speak with them? No matter what the outcome, there is only one way forward. There is no question of “if I should,” when it comes to sharing the forgiveness that God has so mercifully given to each one of us. Jesus didn’t mince words:
Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.’
Matthew 18:21-22
It’s about love – for God and for our neighbor. That’s our true calling. And when we embrace that, leaving the outcome in God’s hands, we’re on the right track.
Lifting Our Worries to God
When trouble strikes, where do we turn? To friends who might be just as clueless, or to God, who’s got the whole world in His hands?
Jesus encouraged us to ask the only One who can do all things- and will do them for us:
Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8
If we would like help in our troubles, we are invited to ask the only One from whom all help comes. There is no problem so big that God cannot solve it, no situation so snarled that it can’t be untangled by God.
Jesus is always reminding us that God can and will do all good things for us and the world:
Jesus looked at them and said, ‘For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible.’
Mark 10:27
He’s our ultimate guide through prayer, worship, and Scripture.
So, as we navigate the choppy seas of human relationships, let’s remember: loving others, no matter how difficult, is non-negotiable if we want to love God.
John put it best:
We love because he first loved us. Those who say, ‘I love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.
1 John 4:19-21
The path is clear, though far from easy. But with God’s love, we’ve got the best help there is. All we are doing is sharing with others, what God has first shared with us.
As Paul reminded the church in Ephesus:
Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32
1 John 4:19-21
So we also will do, with God’s help. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord!