As a priest’s wife, I often appreciate reflecting on the journey that led me here.
When my husband, Andy, first expressed his call to become a priest, I knew our lives were about to change. Little did I realize just how much.
People around us seemed to sense our path even before we fully understood it ourselves. “You’ll make the perfect priest’s wife,” they would say, their eyes filled with certainty. And perhaps they were right—I was always present at church, attending Morning Prayer, learning in Bible studies, and folding bulletins.
Yet, there was an expectation that made me squirm. “Because you always look so nice,” they’d add.
Suddenly, the image of the “perfect priest’s wife” materialized in my mind: poised, elegant, and perpetually put together. A woman who embodied grace both in her appearance and her actions.
But here’s the truth: I struggled with that image. Yes, I took care of my appearance, but it felt like a mask at times. Beneath the polished exterior, I grappled with doubts, fears, and imperfections—just like anyone else.
While I was gratified with all the approval, and truly wished to be a good, faithful wife and sister in Christ, something important was missing.
This past weekend, reading Better Homes and Gardens, I was reminded of what it was.
Better Homes and Gardens was a magazine that I read all the time when I was younger. I loved it. My mom gave me a subscription and I would look forward to pouring over the beautiful gardens and amazingly decorated houses every month.
Afterward, I would be on fire to organize my kitchen, find the perfect area rug, or search out just the right curtains to complete the perfectly relaxed “vibe” for my living room, bedroom, or whatever.
Which is ok. Fine, even…if that’s your thing. There is nothing wrong with Better Homes and Gardens or decorating.
But I realized that what I wanted was not to be on fire for improving the “look” of my house or working on its curb appeal.
What I wanted was to be on fire with the Holy Spirit.
I didn’t want to love an outfit on the pages of a glossy magazine spread, perfectly coordinated in this season’s spring colors. What I truly desired was to love, instead, the things of God. I wanted to be adorned with what God alone can give- faithfulness, wisdom, compassion, understanding, and love.
Beyond the perfectly styled rooms lies a deeper truth: our souls crave more than well-coordinated decor. The purpose of those pretty pages in magazines is to sell us something, and I realized that something wasn’t what I wanted. Magazines offer a vision of some kind of “perfect” life, and they heavily imply that anyone can have one for the purchasing.
But we can only come to God realizing that Jesus Christ alone has purchased our life back from sin for us. God isn’t selling anything- He’s buying. He’s bought us, and not so that we can live our lives as shiny ornaments that make other people envious of us.
He bought us for one reason- to make us perfect.
Jesus Himself tells us at the end of all His teachings on the Sermon on the Mount:
“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:48
So, what does He mean?
Being perfect isn’t just about cleaning out the cobwebs in the corners of our spiritual selves. It isn’t injecting Botox in certain places, and wearing Spanx on others. It means being without blemish and complete in a way that is not at all superficial.
Everything in Scripture points us to an authenticity that cannot live in conjunction with changes we can make on the “surface” of our lives- no superficial rearranging or even redecorating will do.
Instead, it is a complete re-ordering of everything that we are- our thoughts, feelings, motivations, actions, and habits so that there is the same burning desire within each one of us- the desire to love and serve the Lord.
As Andy pursued his priestly calling, I discovered my own unique path. It wasn’t about fitting into a mold; it was about authenticity. I learned that being a priest’s wife meant more than looking the part—it meant embracing faithfulness, growth, and compassion. It meant showing up, not in stylish attire, but with an open heart.
Paul lives this faithfulness as an example for all of us, and offers us good instruction:
I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2
God is the one who changes us from worldly worriers into godly strivers. Only He can share with us His transformative perfection and goodness.
Also, Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians:
You were taught to put away your former way of life, your old self, corrupt and deluded by its lusts, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:22-24
He calls us not to live as enviable ornaments of style and decor but to strive for a deeper perfection. This perfection isn’t about superficial fixes but a fundamental transformation of our very being—aligning our thoughts, emotions, and actions with a fervent love for God.
Perfection isn’t found in a well-ordered home or a charming personality. It’s the inclination of our hearts towards God, regardless of our outward state. It’s not about our current appearance but what God can mold us into—a true reflection of Jesus Christ’s glory.
In a word- perfect.
On my path to becoming the “perfect priest’s wife,” I’ve learned to shed any pretense of worldly perfection. I present myself authentically, without cover-ups or masks. You can see my real face and body as they are, no part of me is made up to look bigger or smaller, lighter or darker than it really is. I look my age, I think, or maybe older. If I’m tired, you can tell. There’s no hiding anymore.
As a family, we strive to invite people into our home in an authentic, honest way. It is sometimes neat, sometimes a mess. Nothing is staged to impress, but to make comfortable, to welcome any and all as friends and family.
God’s work within us often goes beyond a simple makeover. At times He has to take what we’ve built up in ourselves and raze it to the ground. The process can be a complete overhaul- more like a messy and painful surgery, full of blood and fluids, bandages, and crutches, than say, a quick trip to the hairdresser for a trim. Yet, embracing this process is essential for achieving true and lasting perfection.
I’ve given up magazines altogether, and I usually don’t hear the admiring, “you’re the perfect priest’s wife” comment much anymore.
What I hear instead, is something better – something real.
Now that I stopped trying to be impressive and worked toward real honesty, I find myself inviting others to do the same. I’m not scared of a little mess, or even a big one. I am comfortable with our human failings and imperfections because I continue to experience the transformative power of God’s healing grace in my own life.
That being said, does everyone understand and approve of what God is doing through me?
Nope, not even close.
Does this make me feel bad at times?
As we say in Wisconsin, oh yeah, youbetcha.
But it would feel so much worse to think or feel that I was being unfaithful to what God is asking of me – believe me, I know. Therefore, I refuse to be sidetracked by fleeting trends, while God is asking for more profound devotion to that desire for the everlasting perfection which God alone offers and which He alone can – and will – give.
Paul says this much better than I ever could:
For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:9-13
“The greatest of these is love.”
Our perfection is in God’s love for us.
As the Psalmist writes:
The law of the Lord is perfect and revives the soul,
the testimony of the Lord is sure and gives wisdom to the innocent.The statues of the Lord are just and rejoice the heart,
the commandment of the Lor is clear and gives light to the eyes.The fear of the Lord is clean and endures forever,
the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.More to be desired are they than gold, more than much fine gold,
Psalm 19:7-10
sweeter far than honey, than honey in the comb.
What could be more perfect than that?
