Ok, so I realize that this headline is a bit of a cheap attention-getter. It’s better suited to one of those tell-all magazines in the checkout aisle at the grocery store than this humble blog post. But I’m only a little sorry; if you’re reading this article- it worked!
Because most of us have wondered at one time or another what goes on inside the hearts and minds of those people that we call priests, pastors, or ministers.
They’re a little mysterious; more enigmatic than others because they stand in the breach between heaven and earth- this world and the next. Ministers are called to be servants of the one true God, and are entrusted to lead His sheep safely in a world, that, left to its own devices, more often than not runs headlong toward trouble.
Which leads us to the question: what do they really think of the rest of us?
The truth is, I can’t answer that question completely, because I’m not a priest myself. I’m simply married to one, But I do share some of the struggles and the heartache, the joys, and concerns of ministry with my husband. And sometimes, that burden is heavy, as Paul writes in his second letter to the church in Corinth: “And, besides other things, I am under daily pressure because of my anxiety for all the churches.” (2 Cor. 11:28)
But even though I’m married to a priest and know a lot of others, I can’t speak for all of them. There is a wide range of people who work for the Church who have different experiences. This is simply my observations of mainly one- my husband. And I want to reassure you that nothing from these observations ever comes from anything that was revealed in confidence. What people confess to a priest privately is between them and God, and isn’t shared with anyone else- even wives. So rest easy, and keep reading.
Like some of you, I didn’t grow up in the church. I didn’t have experience with any church- much less a church with a priest. For me, priests were relegated to fictional characters in stories or movies. I didn’t know any in my real life.
Coming into the Church as an adult and meeting one for the first time left me with real questions like, how do I relate to a priest? What does this person, who is somehow set apart in some way and holy, think of me? So, I get it when people are shy, fearful, or uncertain around my husband. I understand if people are cautious in approaching him or anxious about their own “level” of spirituality around him.
From my experience of walking this journey alongside him, however, I oftentimes am privileged to be a silent observer. Until now, when I get a chance to write a juicy, tell-all blog post about it, which will hopefully answer the question: What does your priest, minister, or paster really think of you? And stick around until the end, where I reveal the main thing that your priest probably wonders about you.
Your Priest Knows You Better Than You Think
In other words, they probably know you more clearly than you ever imagined.
While it’s true that priests are regular people, they aren’t just regular people. They are called to do specific work for God, but they are in most other respects like the rest of us. And this means that they have the same flaws, the same weaknesses, and struggles with sin, as everyone else.
And they put this to use in their ministries. Priests, pastors, and ministers who are trying to be faithful bring all of this personal experience to their calling. Most of the best leaders in the Church I know are engaged passionately and thoughtfully in their own walk of faith, which God then uses in their ministry to others.
They are intimately familiar with both sin and goodness- they know it in themselves and others. Daily, they are engaged in the battle between sin and redemption- at home and work, dealing with sins within, and temptations without. Called to go into prisons and hospitals, into houses in the midst of the sick, the dying, and the joyful. Amidst anger, excitement, misery, and strife- they have usually seen it all.
And as familiar as they are with all aspects of the human condition- both sin and goodness, they recognize both in all of us. In other words, they see you as you are- with all your strengths, weaknesses, sins, and especially in your glorious participation in God’s goodness.
Which can be terrifying!
To know that someone can see us for who we are can stop us in our tracks. As individuals, we barely know ourselves. We struggle to see ourselves as we really, truly are- as God sees us.
Priests and other ministers, however- at least the faithful ones- can, for the most part, see clearer than most. They frequently have God-given gifts of discernment to see people clearly.
The rest of us, meanwhile, are secretly terrified that anyone will uncover the hidden things in the most secret parts of ourselves.
But we don’t have to pretend with a priest. Since they know the sin in themselves and have worked to follow Christ out of the midst of it, they can help others to do the same. Our priests should be at the top of the list of people from whom we don’t need to hide. We can stop pretending and be real- warts and all. We can let down the burden of trying to please people, even if it’s just with them.
Let’s face it, they can probably see through our affectations anyway.
And why can we do this? Because….
They Truly Want the Best for You.
They want to lead us to follow Christ- to accept His offer of salvation for us. It’s their whole job, remember? They have been sent out to love and serve the Lord, to guide His people back to Him because we all tend to go astray.
And all they want is to be able to do their job. To work wholeheartedly for the Lord.
I understand the inclination to hide our problems and try and tough them out on our own, and I do the same thing. It’s practically my whole M.O.
But your priest, pastor, or minister is just waiting in the wings to help. They have been where you are- wherever that is- in the sense that they have been a wayward sinner lost in a mess of their own making. And they were helped- lovingly and compassionately led back to their God. All they want is the chance for God to do that for you- through them.
Why would they want to do that?
Priests Know How Precious You Are…To God.
In the Gospel According to Matthew, he writes:
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.” Matt. 13:45-46
Each of us is God’s pearl of great value- and He has sacrificed all that He has to buy us back from sin and death. Why? Because God loves us that much.
And our priests and ministers are faithful servants of God, they will always try to remember how much God loves each one of us- and to treat us accordingly.
They try to believe that every person that they encounter day in and day out, is a person for whom God came down to earth to save- whom He suffered, died by crucifixion before rising again, and for whom he endured the agony of the judgment of sin. That’s a whole lotta love that God has given us right there!
And by God’s grace, they try to keep that in mind at those inevitable times when they don’t actually like you that much– which, I have to be honest- sometimes does happen. We are all human beings after all, full of sin that gets in the way of the loving relationship that God wants for all people.
Your priest may not always completely like you at times as a person, but they will always love you as a priest- as a stand-in for Christ. It’s a grace that God abundantly gives His ministers.
Because, unlike the rest of us, they know that they will have to stand before God and answer for the way that they have cared for His flock. As it says in James 3:1-2: “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”
And all the faithful priests I know take this very seriously.
God’s Ministers Know We Are All Worthy of Salvation
And that there are no exceptions. God has declared each one of us precious and worthy of His love, and has granted each of us an invitation to His kingdom. This means that whatever we may have done or not done, salvation is available for those who want it.
And salvation isn’t something we are ever done participating in. Yes, God has offered us salvation. Yes, we may have said, “yes” to it. But He also says to work on it day by day.
And can you guess who is dying to help us do this?
Yes! Our priests and ministers. They will prayerfully, joyfully, and wholeheartedly help us in any way that they can. Though as fallible human beings, sometimes that joy is hidden on the inside. Sometimes way, way on the inside. But we love them anyway, right?
Priests Think We Have a Lot to Learn
Most priests or ministers that I know don’t think of people are either “good” or “bad”. They know that we are all in the process of becoming something- something more than we are right now.
Another way to think about this is that we are- day by day- becoming either more like God and moving closer to Him, or we are moving farther away from Him and His ways.
Therefore, your friendly neighborhood priest thinks of people in terms of two distinct categories- those who want to learn and grow in the Lord, and those who don’t. Of course, they don’t ultimately know what everybody desires in their heart of hearts, only God knows this. But they can tell who is showing up, seeking out answers, and engaging in what’s offered.
As they want to keep learning and growing closer to God, they want us to want the same thing. A good priest sees themselves first and foremost as a student. My husband always says that the best spiritual leaders are the best followers- of Christ. You have to know the way to teach the way. And Christ is the way, the Truth, and the Life.
Nothing is more difficult for a faithful priest or pastor to know that they have received (by God’s grace!) the answer to the question of sin and death… and feel like they have no one desirous of hearing it.
So, if you want to show your faith leader some love, don’t go shopping at the nearest store. Instead, show up at their next teaching, worship service, or fellowship gathering. Participation and excitement in what’s going on in your church or faith community is a great reward for any minister. Your interest in learning about the God that they love is all the thanks they desire.
Well, that and some time off now and again.
And last but not least,
They Think That You Should Bother Them More
This one may need a further explanation. Because there is bothering, and then there’s bothering.
And what is bothersome (the bad kind) to your priest or minister will vary by personality. While one priest may be bothered by being left out of your upcoming party or gathering, another may be burdened by being invited and having to attend. Every one of us is bothered by different things at times. It’s something you have to get to know about each one of God’s faithful servants.
But what is ultimately bothersome to all faithful priests is not having the opportunity to minister to us when we need it.
Most of us have that internal voice that says, “Don’t bother them now, they’re busy”. And they very well may be. But if you need spiritual guidance, if you need prayer, if you need anointing for healing, please, by all that is good and holy- bother them! They want to be bothered!
So, if you find yourself in the hospital at 3:00 am- call. If you are in the midst of severe depression and you can’t get out of bed- call. Let them visit you at your house- even if it is a complete mess. Invite them into your hospital room even if you think you look terrible and smell worse. They aren’t focused on the “outside” but are concerned for your everlasting soul.
God’s servants are built up and called by Him to go into situations where other people fear to tread- into places where the lost, the lonely, and the sick desperately need the love of God. I need it, you need it, and they need it. Don’t deny them the privilege of bringing it to us.
So, there you have it. Hopefully, you are more confident about what your priest, pastor, or minister thinks about you. But I promised you something else, didn’t I?
I promised you one thing that your priest wonders about you. And that’s this: They don’t know how you feel about God.
What? That’s it?
That’s it. They don’t know because you haven’t told them. Some may offer a “thanks for the sermon” or “I appreciated what you had to say” after a service, but it’s become so automatic that they never know if you mean it. They wonder if anything they said spoke to you, or if you were confused by something. Maybe something made you angry, or you disagreed with the point of view.
Strangely enough, we don’t always talk about God in our churches. We talk about the weather; we discuss our plans for the weekend or relay our feelings about family or friends coming to visit.
Or else, we talk about God in empty, and cliched ways. I don’t think we do this for any other reason than that God is difficult to talk about, and we don’t know how.
But what a great time to start. There’s no better place to try than with your priest, pastor, or minister. Working for God and His people make up the passion of their lives, and they need to hear from you. They want to hear what and how you care about God, or if you don’t, they want to hear that too. Through this most holy conversation, we can all do what the author of the letter to the Hebrews writes:
Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:23-25
Let’s learn and grow in God together. God bless you today and always.