Another year is coming to an end, and a brand-new year is just beginning.
Inevitably at this time, we take stock of our lives. As we are poised at the cusp of this new beginning, all of us begin to ask ourselves that age-old question: What do I want from the coming year?
Somewhere in the back of our minds, we keep the ghosts of all of our previous New Year’s Eves- the resolutions that we didn’t keep; the hope of reinventing ourselves into something we’ve always wanted to be; the fear that this year will be just as disappointing as last year.
So what to do? How do we do the new year better?
Take stock of yourself
This one is important.
You have to know where you are, to figure out where you want to go.
Imagine if you were lost in the woods. You’d have to figure out where you were on a map, to know where to go, right? It’s the same in our day-to-day lives. And don’t worry, it’s not as scary as it sounds.
All it takes is paying attention to yourself as you go about your day-to-day. How do you feel? Tired? Anxious? Fearful? Content? Excited?
Once you begin to realize what you are feeling, take it a step further. Think about why you feel those things. Answer the question: what is causing me to feel this way?
For example- feeling insecure or anxious may mean you want to make a change. Feeling excited about a hobby may illuminate a new career opportunity. Feelings of joy in an activity may encourage you to set more time aside for that pursuit.
Too often we get into the habit of going about our lives without really noticing what we’re doing or how we feel about it.
Stop and take stock of these important moments, and see where it leads you. At the very least, you will come to know and understand yourself better.
That can be daunting and scary, but it is always helpful.
And don’t worry- you got this!
Live in the present moment
Right along with the habit of living on auto-pilot, is the reality that we’re not attentive to the present.
So often we’re either thinking about what has happened in a previous moment- we’re responding to a conversation we’ve already had, for example, or trying to win an argument we had last week, or regretting what we didn’t get done this morning.
Similarly, we are often racing ahead in our thoughts- planning what we’re going to eat for dinner, or organizing how we’re going to get to the grocery store, make dinner, help the kids with homework, and have enough time to relax with the hubs.
Instead of carrying all this noise in your head– stop, and take a breath.
Clear out any thoughts that are rattling around in your brain. And then, focus on the feeling of your breath as you inhale– and then exhale.
Let go of any intruding thoughts and just be in your body, right in this moment. Spend five minutes just inhaling and exhaling, and thinking of nothing else.
Better? I thought so.
Try to do this periodically as you go through your day. Eventually, it will become more automatic. Remind yourself not to clutter up your mind with the past and the future. The present is worth being present for.
Stop making resolutions, and start making habits
What’s the difference, you ask?
A resolution can be just words on a page or a vague desire.
A habit is something that is an actual, practical action.
Think of brushing your teeth. At our age, we don’t stress anymore about brushing, like we did when we were five. It’s something we do twice a day, morning and night, without any planning, any stress, or any struggle. It’s a part of getting up in the morning and going to bed at night.
You want your resolutions to become habits, just as sure as brushing your teeth.
So, say you’d like to get healthier in this coming year. Just saying to yourself, ‘I’d like to be healthy in the new year’, is a vague desire. To make it into an actual habit, think about how it will integrate into your practical, everyday schedule.
Plan to eat a salad instead of a burger for lunch on Tuesdays, or, to take a walk during your lunch hour instead of scrolling on your phone.
Build actual, practical habits instead of settling for vague wishes.
I find that writing down a plan or a schedule is a great way to put this into practice. I’m old-school and use a paper calendar to plan exactly what I need to do for the day, but there are many options.
Whatever you want to change- whether it’s something you want to add, or something you want to subtract, put it in black and white somewhere- in a daily planner, on a post-it, or your computer’s screensaver.
Find a way to cement the habit that works for you.
Adjust your perspective
Most of the things that we think of as uber-important in our lives are really not such a big deal.
It is so easy to believe that the tasks and situations that fill our day are more important than they are.
Somehow, we have been led to believe that the world will fall apart if we don’t get that report in on time, if we forget to call a friend on their birthday, or if our house is a bit messy for that dinner party.
If we can take a moment and zoom out to a larger perspective, we can see that the things we believe are earth-shattering… really aren’t.
Yes, we may have made mistakes. More often than not, they aren’t the mountain-sized goof that will cause the universe to collapse. They are more like an inconvenient molehill, that we will soon move pass.
And if we can remember that during our days, we can be free of that constant pressure that may oppress us- without us even being consciously aware of its weight.
If we can look at the long view- the daily struggles that we thought were so very important twenty years ago, probably don’t matter to us as much now, or in the same way. That time I made a fool of myself in college? Gone. The job that I didn’t get a few years ago? Water under the bridge. Therefore, it’s important to remember that these situations will move on too.
And there is always- ALWAYS- hope that things will get better.
And last, but not least- live your life with more grace
What is grace, you wonder? Grace is an unearned outpouring of help, support, or goodwill.
Instead of coming into situations with yourself or other people with suspicion, criticism, or negative judgment, approach situations instead– with grace.
Is someone being critical or unkind to you? Remind yourself that they may be struggling with things you don’t know about.
Frustrated with yourself that your life isn’t where you want it to be? Remember that life is long, learning is difficult, and you’ve come so far already.
We’re all struggling to get along in this life. All of us have difficulties that we have already overcome, and some that we are still working through. The point of life isn’t to be the “best” anything, it’s to be the best you that you can be. And maybe, just maybe, at this moment- you are.
You are you, and there is no one exactly like you. Every single one of us has incredible things about us that make us wonderful, special, and unique. Every one of us still struggles with those things that we’d like to improve- and that’s ok. There’s still time.
We are all still in the process of learning and growing to be better people- whether we’re 5 or 105. And there is nothing more important, or more difficult than that!
And difficulty can bring out the worst in people. The most difficult, unpleasant, and unhappy people, are the ones who need grace the most.
In the meantime, I’m glad that you’re you.
Send me an email, or leave a comment on your thoughts. Let’s keep learning and growing together.
tlillie